Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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