I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
