Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He? As in you personified your dick?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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