As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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