This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
