I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
