You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
