My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
