at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
