I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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