like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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