I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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