I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
