Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm like, not good at living.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
