see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
