Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
