Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
