We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
