last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
