Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
