We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
