Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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