how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
