Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
