do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
