just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
