So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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