Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
