Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
