I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I deserve this hangover.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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