Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
