The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
