the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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