Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
