it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize