Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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