and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
