I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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