the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
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If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
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there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize