Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
