My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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