I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
