There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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