I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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