I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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