He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
