did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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