his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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