A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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