omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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