maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
