"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
