I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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