My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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