God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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