Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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