dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
