im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
