chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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