I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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