I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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