You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
