mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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