Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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